Discontent

Sometimes I just don't really understand.

I put my whole life into something and try SO HARD to only focus on that one thing.

Things get better and everything seems to be falling into place;
then I fall backwards.

I don't understand how two weeks ago I felt a joy that I've never experienced before; A freedom from feeling tied down by all of my negative and anxious emotions.
I knew that it was a good decision we had made; That my life is so much better and fulfilled because of it.

But then this past week happened.
I don't know what changed or why it did.
But I couldn't do it anymore.
Waking up everyday and feeling amazing and great and happy wasn't happening.

Dead. Empty. Lonely.
That's what I got.

Too much time has gone by to still feel like this.
I'm so exhausted of it and can't go on feeling like this forever.

I look at other people and think, "if they can be ok, then i can be too."
I don't really believe it though.

Moving down to be near the Boiler Room has changed my life.
The relationships that I've formed with people,
The need for prayer in my life has been TRANSFOMING.
But still, I thought that my feeling of hurt would be gone.

Would you pray for me?

I don't think I can get through this on my own.