24/7 Prayer Revisited

I just had a VERY long note typed out about my life and how it has changed since my first 24/7 Prayer experience.
Somehow I accidentally deleted it so I will do my best to remember everything I had written:

I was looking at my previous notes. I re-read the one I had written on 24/7 Prayer and how scared I was because I had no idea what I was doing.
I thought that it being exactly 6 months later, I should revisit that note and do somewhat of a response just to share what has happened and where my life is now.

After that week of prayer, and also after attending Crossroads and visiting the Boiler Room a little bit more frequently, I could feel my life changing. Something was about to just explode and it was a very exciting thing for me.

During that first week of prayer, i was so afraid because I didn't know how to pray. I thought that those three prayer slots would go on forever.
However, after my first hour was up, I realized that it only had felt like a few minutes. I learned that praying did not just have to be saying the right thing with your hands folded and eyes closed. It is any means of communication with God, whether it be singing, drawing, talking out loud, thinking, whatever connected you with Him. You could either give thanks, or cry out for His hand.

I could feel something different inside of me.
When i would go to Crossroads on Sunday mornings, instead of standing there, too shy, too afraid of what people would think of me, just reading the words on the screen to the songs with a blank look on my face, I felt this joy bursting inside of me. Joy knowing that I could close my eyes and raise my arms and sing praises to my God with everything I had. What a freeing thing that was for me.
It's unbelievable how much closer I felt to him.

I used to be so shy. Well, I still am pretty shy. I would never go up to anyone first. I didn't know how to start a real conversation. I always felt that people were judging me, thinking I wasn't a good enough Christian.
The more i attended this church, and the more time I spent at the B.R. I realized that my perception of others was the judgmental one.

I've gotten to know quite a few people on a very deep and personal level, and there are a few who I consider to be some of my closest friends...even after just a couple months.
I'm hoping to get to know everyone else at some point, just because I think it's amazing to have people in your life who can you share so much with, so that your relationship/friendship with them is that much stronger. I love hearing people's stories, and how they came to where they are at now.

It's so nice to have people in my life who I know are there to encourage me the whole way, even if I don't know them that well. They want me to succeed and are running alongside of me in my race to become the person I want and am supposed to be.

I think I've managed to find some of the greatest people imaginable. It's hard to believe that there are so many people who actually say things and every word that comes out of their mouth is sincere.

These are the people who work for God and have helped to start the transformation in my life. All they do is love, and I use all of their lives as examples as to where I want my life to be someday.

so THANK YOU to everyone who has played a part...

I asked for Faith and I got it. Just as Chelsea told me I would.

I would've been the last person to ever say that someone could be changed so dramatically in such a short amount of time. But I am living proof that it is not about our timing, but God's. 6 months ago, there's no way I would ever tell anyone that I would be where I'm at right now. I would've laughed if someone told me that my life would be the way that it is. Actually, I did laugh. People told me that God will do what HE wants with my life if I let him. I didn't believe it, because at that time, I was still trying to control everything.

Giving up control of my life is still one of the things I struggle with most. Especially when it comes to relationships in my life.
It's so hard to give everything up to God. When I get frustrated about things not happening when I want them to, i think of what Tammy tells me and others who struggle with this. "God is never late, but rarely early."
How true is this? When I think back the past 23 years, I don't remember much that has happened the way I planned it out to be.

According to my plan, I was supposed to be married, with a job, my own house, and a child in the next year. NONE of those have happened...but i can't be more thankful for that.

I don't think April could say it any better than when she said that instead of thinking that I can just jump in and help save people's lives, I need to just come and allow myself to be healed. I'm going to be broken. There are times I will not want to keep my life this way because I'll be so frustrated.
But so far, I've let myself become broken, and it's so nice to know that God is with me the entire way and he is forever faithful. I have been able to get back up again because of Him. I am being healed. And it's such a terrifying, excruciating, yet wonderful and cleansing experience.

There is so much un-Godly baggage and just things that have scarred me that I want to be rid of. A life of sin and negativity. I want to be cleansed and renewed into the Woman of God that I'm meant to be. I'm being transformed. It's so awesome. Can you feel the excitement?

In the past couple of months, I've lost a few things that were VERY important to me. Although, like everyone else, I have those days where I just breakdown and cry in the middle of a beautiful day, and just want to hide away in my bed, I am determined to spend the other time praising God for my suffering and weakness. Tammy offered me a verse when I was on the verge of giving up, and it has become my favorite to look at when I'm struggling:

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

"9But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

I LOVE the Lord. I love knowing that even if i lost EVERYTHING, as long as I had my Faith, Christ Himself would fulfill me in every aspect. I Love living my life for God. I Love knowing that even when I fall and make mistakes, and am so undeserving, God will always forgive me and give me unlimited chances because He knows my heart is there.

I can't wait until I'm able to move down to where the B.R. is and engulf myself in doing work for the Lord, while at the same time being healed and renewed.
I'm ready to get rid of the worldly things in my life, and start giving more, and loving more, and learning about everything God.
This is what the Lord asked of us. To make disciples of all of the nations.
I want to give my life to Him and follow Him, spreading His word to everyone I know.

The Lord my God is my one true Love, my Father in Heaven, and my Light, leading me down the path to His Glory.

I am becoming a transformed follower of Jesus Christ.
I can almost hear the Angels cheering from the Heavens.

There is no amount of money, and absolutely NOTHING anyone could say to make me sway.

I am living my life for the One and Only.

This is my new life.

xo

-Jenna