I am just overwhelmed with the joy and healing that God has performed in my life just tonight!
As I sit here in my chilled room with a blanket wrapped around me, Chris Tomlin's Hello Love CD playing softly in the background, I can't help but be almost speechless at the Faithfulness of my Lord.
Proverbs 3:5-7
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
and he will make your paths straight.
Trust in the Lord with ALL of your heart. This is something that I haven't been doing recently, and struggle with daily.
It's so easy for me to become the control-freak in my relationship with God and try to make everything go the way I want it, and my mentality becomes such that if it doesn't turn out that way, then I've failed. Do you ever feel that?
Last Sunday, Rod preached on this along with some other things that completely convicted me and made me take a step back and look at my life and the way I had been living.
Often times, I get so caught up in what MY plan for my life is, and if that doesn't work out, I have a plan B, C, D etc. to fall back on.
If only I had the constant realization that, like Rod said, if I stick to God's plan, I will always be on plan A.
After being in a very dark place the past few days, I finally fell to my knees crying out to God to come and pick me up again, because everything I was doing in my life, was selfish and worldly and was bringing me to experience this despair and turmoil which took months to overcome in the past.
He heard my cry.
Today, or should I say tonight, is the first night I felt that darkness lifted off of me, and I felt so light, like the chains of my own pride and selfishness had been broken. I was able to experience that Holy Spirit laughter that comes from deep down in your soul.
Not only that, but at Love Feast tonight, I was completely blown away by the presence of God in that large room, and after hearing story after story of how God was working in SO many people's lives, I could see some friends radiating God; friends who I had been praying for for a long time that they would experience God's love and faithfulness and His promise to be by our side and to heal the deepest, and most broken parts of ourselves.
It's unbelievable when you look back at the times in your life that you tried to make things go your way, and compare it to the time that you decided to let God take hold of your life. What an incredible difference, right? If we can see His goodness and feel His spirit within us, bringing us a happiness no one else would be able to, why is it so hard to just let Him do that all the time and make Him #1?
If I hadn't just let go and let God, who knows where I would be right now? I wouldn't be going to India, that's for sure. I would still be waking up everyday, living the mundane, repetitive life that I've become so discontent with.
The time for me to leave is coming up soon. It just feels like yesterday that I decided that this is what I needed to do with the next year of my life, when it was really almost 4 months ago.
It's really hard for me to leave so much here and then have no idea what coming back in year is going to be like for me. Although I tend to over-think things, and start to worry, God made it ever so clear to me tonight that this is exactly what He has planned for me for the time being.
I have dreams about India almost every night. I see myself running around and just falling head-over-heels in love with the kids over there.
Who ever thought that giving up everything you once deemed to be the most important in your life, would give you a feeling of fulfillment that no amount of money ever could?
I am so excited to live a simple life, with only the love of God and love of others around me being my comfort while I am so far away from everything close and familiar to me.
He has blessed me in more ways than I could ever imagine, and I am so undeserving, yet so grateful.
I will fall at Your feet
I will fall at Your feet
And I will worship You here
Blessings and Love to you all.
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