Things i've realized about myself and my life.

Last night, I was able to go to coffee with an amazing friend, and sister.

I realized a few things during that time and during the past couple of weeks:

1) I need time to myself. I need some nights where I don't hang out w/anyone, just to rest, read, go to bed early, and clear my head.

2) I care so much about what others think of me. I have problems saying "no" to people when they want me to do something because I feel like they won't like me as much or will get mad if i do. This being said, I need to fear God's perception of me. Not the peoples around me. If I give into sometihng because I feel guilty, I know I'm going to feel worse in the end, so that is something I need to work on (thanks Brooke, for pointing this out for me). If I spent as much time caring about what God was thinking about me, as I do caring about what others think about me, how would that alter my life?

3) I want to get back to the point where I want God, and ONLY God in my life, meaning I want to stop thinking that I need all these earthly and material possessions. I want to wake up, and go to bed thinking about God and how I honored him or could honor Him more, and all the time in between. I want to hunger for Him, and be desperate for Him to consume me.

4) I signed up for 12 hours in the prayer room this past 24/7 prayer week. I went to probably 2 of those hours and didn't get anything out of them because my heart wasn't in it. I just ended up talking to people or zoning our completely instead of getting on my face, asking God to fulfill me once again. I no longer will make excuses or find more "important" things to be doing.

5) I need, as Brooke calls them, "Jesus dates." At least once a week, I need to devote a certain amount of tmie to spending some extremely intimate, one-on-one time with Jesus. I want to be able to immerse myself in His word and spend time having deep conversations with Him.

6) Change can sometimes be good. I need to remember that and hold onto that when I'm afraid of something different happening than i'm used to.

7) Having a hard time deciphering if I should do what God is calling me to do, as opposed to losing some small, insignificant parts of my life, is a foolish thought, and I am ashamed that I would even consider choosing worldly things over God's plan for me.

8) I'm going to fast again starting next Sunday.

9) I want to play the piano more.

10) God has brought me to a spot where He is the center of my life. I used to think I only needed others who were "ahead" of me on their journey with God, making them the only ones I sought after, leaning on them completely and only using their guidance as the way for me to get through rough times. I didn't lose them. I still have them fully there as a support, as they are forever going to be my brothers and sisters. But now I am able to truly see where the healing begins through God (thank you, Brooke, for helping me see this).

11) I LOVE coffee and coffee "dates."

12) All of the good and bad that I've experienced have been the hugest blessings to me by bringing me to the point in life that I'm at now. Although this is a great thing, I do not want to, and will not live in the past.

13) I want to become an artist of some sort (random thought, I know...but it makes sense to me).

14) Family is an amazing thing. I need to embrace it with all I have. This is not just family that I'm born into, but the families I have become part of by gaining others, whom I love, in my life.

I'm sure there's more, but that's all I could come up with for now, while I'm waiting for 5pm to come around...

Feel free to leave some feedback.

xo