This is my life; this is what i live for...

I wrote this back in January, but it's always a good reminder to me as to what the purpose of my life is and what I should be doing with it. Obviously things in my life have changed and the specific times and dates of things also have, but it's good to be reminded that it's ok to be scared about things, and not know everything and to know that God will take care of you:

As many of you know, I am trying so hard to change my life and surrender all of myself to God. Although I have fallen more times than not, I am making some huge strides in order to feel the peace and happiness of God working in me. Don't get me wrong...I mess up every minute of every day. I do things that someone who is so set on being a good Christian should not. But I know that my intentions are true, and God will see that..and that's all that matters.

I have been attending Crossroads Bible church the past few months, and they have started what they call the boiler room. Some of you may be familiar with what that is...although I'm still learning about it.The Stockbridge boiler room house is lived in by a few guys from the church who are also Interns, that has a room in it specifically for praying; but that's just one part of the house.

It is ran completely by people who love God and by God Himself.

I write this because I want everyone to know that this week I am facing a HUGE challenge. Every six weeks, this church does 24/7 prayer, which as you may have guessed, means that someone (well, one person at a time, changing every hour) is constantly in that boiler room praying; praying for themselves, the church, the homeless, everything.
This goes on for 7 days.I am not good at praying. I never have been..but I thought that the fact that I would be "face-to-face" with God by myself in a room for an hour at a time, would maybe change that, and possibly even change my life.

As stated on the stockbridge boiler room website: "24-7 prayer is not for experts. It's for those who find prayer a struggle. 24-7 is a model that works! It has proven unusually successful at mobilizing people - especially young people - to pray like they've never prayed before. People learn to pray... by praying!"

So this week...on Wednesday from 2am-3am, 3pm-4pm and Thursday from 2am-3am, I will be there praying. As ironic as this is, I need as many peoples prayers as I can get seeing as I am very scared, because this is not something I would ever normally do, and I will be EXHAUSTED spiritually, emotionally and physically, because I will be there 3 out of 25 hours praying, 2 times of which will be in the middle of the night and will be working days in between. Some of you may not think that this is that big of a deal, or that praying really shouldn't be that hard, but for me it is.

I think i've always felt that it was such an intimate way to get in touch with God, that I was always scared of that, so I never even tried. If anyone is at all interested in getting involved in some way, this church and this house is life-changing. I don't know much about either, but I do know that this house is an outreach for the homeless, whether it be to get them off of an addiction, have a hot meal, take a shower, or to try to form a relationship with God.

And then, of course, it has the boiler room; a place to lay it all down before God and only God. It has already changed my outlook on certain aspects of my life and is giving me a feeling in my heart that i've never felt before, and I am SO excited and ready to give up all control of my life and place it in the hands of my Lord.

I'm sorry this is long, but I just wanted to share what has been going on in my life and my heart, and what I have coming up that will be VERY hard for me.
I always have a hard time talking this honestly about my faith, even though I feel it so deeply. I've always been worried about what other people would think if I felt so strongly about something that some may see as controversial or not important.

Even those closest to me probably have not heard these kinds of thoughts on something like this. That's wrong though.
I should never be ashamed or deny the love I have for Jesus Christ.This is why I'm writing a note on here. As idiotic as it may sound, I've always been better at expressing my feelings in writing..and this way I can declare it to everyone who decides to read this.

I'm not good at telling people if I'm scared about something...but I thought it would be a good time to start...so I could have the support of people who I know may understand or people who are important to me. I appreciate any prayers that you may give.

I see this as a time that will either make me stronger in my faith, which is where i want to go, or else a time that may break me down completely...which also may be good for me.
I guess it's all in God's hands now.

This is the beginning of a fantastic, terrifying life that God has wanted me to begin living for the past 22 years.

Love to you all through Him,

Jenna

"When I say I am a Christian, I'm not claiming to be perfect. My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it."
[Maya Angelou]

If you want to find out more information, go to: http://www.stockbridgeboilerroom.org/