Election Day

I've been sitting at my computer for the past hour, putting off going down to the polls to vote.
I know I probably should soon since if I wait much longer, I'll be in line for 2 hours or so.
But for some reason, as excited as I am for there to be a new President, I'm terrified.
Last election, I didn't get it. I wasn't nervous about who I would vote for, nor did I think that my vote really mattered.

Let me tell you, I have never been so stressed out when it came to a political election. This is huge, I know. I feel anxious and confused and nervous! I don't want to make the wrong decision.

What if I said that I thought both candidates weren't ready and that I didn't really want either of them to be President? Would that be wrong?
To be honest, I'm usually straight republican. If I hadn't paid attention at all, I would probably just go and vote for McCain without thinking. But because of the age I am, and with the way the U.S. has been the past few years, there needs to be a change. Apparently that's Obama's slogan. It's time for change. I agree. Our country needs help and healing.

I don't agree with Obama's stance on abortion. Not in any way. But on the other hand, I'm not sure that there would be much of a difference in our country if McCain won, and that would be awful.
Apparently both candidates are Christian. Obama was not born a Christian but found God in his 20's. McCain is a Christian too. Obama is great at speaking...so great that I'm afraid he knows how to say what we all want to hear, but would he follow thru with it? But what if I vote for McCain and not take the chance on Obama but nothing changes for us?

Can you see why I'm struggling? I'm not going to let one issue (like abortion) be the deciding factor for my decision, but it does stay in the back of my mind. A friend sent me a document with direct quotes on Obama's view of Faith and God and how that plays a role in how our country is going to be run. But if he thinks that's so important, why would he say it's ok to abort a baby up to 6 months after conception and then kill it if it survived the abortion? That's NOT what God intended for His children.

My head and my heart are heavy. Maybe my one vote won't matter, but this is a big thing for me.
It's 2:20pm right now, and I still don't know who I'm voting for.

I've talked to my mom a couple times and she just kept reminding me that no matter who I vote for, or who our new President will be, we will be answering to a Higher Power. No matter who wins this election, I think it is so important to pray for our future President, whether we voted for them or not.
God has the ultimate power, and is the ultimate decision maker, so why not trust that He knows what/who is right for our country.

I am convinced that if we can all pray for our country's leader(s), then God is going to lead them into doing what's right for us.

I won't be telling many people who I'm voting for, because it doesn't really matter.

Most people have voted by now, but I would just encourage you all to pray hard before voting, and trust in God's power over all of us, including the President.

Hmm...where do I start?
I'm not sure if there are even any words to describe what my life has been like the past couple of weeks.
Joyful, upsetting, anxious, content, busy...ahhh.

I'm stressed about this election. I don't think either candidates are ready. But I agree and disagree with issues from both sides...so i'm kinda stuck. And I was thinking I was voting next week..not TOMORROW.

I have to go find some answers. I'll be back to write more later.

Things suck right now. I don't even know why.
Please pray. I know I will be.

Praise Him

I wasn't able to go to IHOP this weekend with Dana and Tammy.
It's ok though. I just figured it was God's way of saying there was something else I should do this weekend. Maybe nothing profound, but I'm sure I'll find enjoyment out of whatever I do.

I don't have anything spectacular to say today.

I'm exhausted and am getting over being sick, but still am in love with the days that are set out in front of me.

Leaves are EVERYWHERE. I just want to jump in them.

Tomorrow I think a nice breakfast somewhere and maybe the Fulton St. Farmer's Market and some housecleaning sounds good.

I've gotten to a new point in my life; a point I never thought I would be able to get to again. But I have.

I can't go into specifics. I've talked to a couple people about it, but I'm just still so amazed at the power of God working in me to make me whole again.

Praise Him.

Love to you all.

nightmares

Do you ever have one of those dreams where it's so screwed up and you wake up sweating and in a panic and think that something awful is going to happen to you and everyone you know?

I just had one of those, and I can't shake it off.

Happy!!!!!!!

I am so happy.
So happy that God has come into my chaotic life and broke the chains.
So happy that I have real friendships/relationships with people...relationships that will last.
So happy that God has provided for me in more ways that I could ever imagine.
So happy that I have a God who is so faithful and will love me always until the end of my days.
So happy that I don't feel tied down to anything so that I may be free to live the life God has given me.
So happy for the new people I have met over the past couple of weeks.
So happy I have new opportunities coming my way; opportunities I could never even imagine having before.

This next weekend (thurs-sun) i'm going to IHOP in Kansas City with Dana and Tammy and possibly a couple others...this is something that I never thought would be a possibility for me or never even had the desire to go to before...but I can't wait.
I think once again God is going to reveal Himself full-force and once again my heart will be changed a little bit more.

Please pray for us.

Yay God.

I'm SO happy.

wow...

once again God proved Himself so very faithful.
After a few days of quietly struggling financially and wondering how I would pay some bills that are coming up, I finally gave up trying to find ideas and just gave it to God and prayed that He would somehow provide for me.
And He did.

David, my housemate, had gotten a couple pieces of mail for me so he gave them to me and one of the envelopes had my name and address typed out and there was no return address.

I opened it and wrapped up in a piece of paper was some money with a little paper that had "God Bless You" with a little heart typed on it.

No signature, no nothing. I have no idea who it was from or how they got my address or knew that I was in need.

So if it was you, and you're reading this, Thank You. From the bottom of my Heart.

God is so good!!!!

YES!!!

Isn't life just awesome?

Yeah...I'm pretty sure it is.

I am so blessed.

I just feel like dancing.

A quick thought...

Alex, Megan, Laura, Me, Meagan.

Picture taken by Mentor, Sister, and Friend,

Sarah Jayne

This is a picture of my amazing small group that I was in on our college-aged retreat that we just had this past Friday-Saturday through Crossroads Bible Church. Another 24 hours with God where no words would do the outcome of this retreat justice.

I don't have time to go into detail right now about it...

I will quickly say though, that I've definitely realized the importance of having some REALLY good, close, deep friendships with other girls my age. I never thought that was important until now.

It is very clear God's hand was involved in putting us together; our similarities to each other based on our lives could not be described as a "coincidence" but "God."

The rest of this adventure with God will be saved for a later posting sometime this week probably.

xo

Veggies, Rice, Chicken and Family

As I sit here at my computer at 10:46pm on Monday night, I can't help but wonder if all of this miraculous growth that I've experienced over the last week will last.

I know it's a day-by-day thing. I have to lay it down before my Father every single day. There will never come a time that I can give something up one time and one time only, and have that be that and my life will be perfect. NO way.

I struggle because I've lived a life of questioning and not trusting, and paranoia for so long, this seems almost too good to be true and I still have such a hard time trusting....anything or anyone...that I feel like there must be a catch.

Is God really that good? So good that He would take away my emptiness and fill me up completely without having strings attached? I'm not questioning His faithfulness in any way.
I am still just completely astounded at His goodness and I can't help but think about how much I don't deserve any of it. Surely there are better people out there than me; people who have been better Christians; people who have loved more fully than I ever have and probably ever will be able to.

I almost feel bad for feeling so happy and at peace.

Last night, after fasting for exactly 168 hours, I ate my first meal in 7 days. I was given the honor of eating it with some of the interns at the BR. Brooke made an exquisit mix of rice, sauteed vegetables and this AMAZING chicken that I could probably eat everyday for the rest of my life (i forgot what it was called but something with coconut, lemon flavor, and some other goodness in it).
Afterwards, I wanted to try to help in some way to repay all these amazing people at the BR for traveling along with me through this journey so I decided to clean. They were so appreciative of it, but all they wanted was for me to just come and sit and just be with them.

Is this the way life is really supposed to be? Is this the way people who live their life for Christ really are? People just loving each other and not doing things because they expect something out of it, but because they really want to?
I felt 100% loved...do you know how good that feels?

Along with getting to spend time with my 2nd "family" (so i call them), I also found out some awesome information that gave me even more possible opportunities for my future; opportunities where I can fully praise God with every breath I take for the rest of my life.
At this point, there's nothing I would rather do than to get down on my face and pray to Him and worship Him every second I have.

I was so afraid that with 24/7 being done, I would fall back into my old emotions and lose sight of the awesomeness of God's grace and power...but so far I havent, and don't really think I will.
Just like Cassandra wrote to me during prayer last night, I feel like God really has put a new song in me. And if I could, I would sing it at the top of my lungs for as long as I could.

I can feel it so strongly and looking in the mirror everday, I can even see it. I no longer look dead or stare into empty eyes and hate what I see. I can see this person who is so filled with the Holy Spirit, it almost pours out of her because of the Glow.
This would not describe me 8 days ago...or any days previous to that. I am so RENEWED.

So back to my first question:

Is God really that good? Yup.