Check out my new blog that i've just started about the planning for my year-long mission trip to India!
My Journey to India!!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
wow
How Great Is Our God?
I am just overwhelmed with the joy and healing that God has performed in my life just tonight!
As I sit here in my chilled room with a blanket wrapped around me, Chris Tomlin's Hello Love CD playing softly in the background, I can't help but be almost speechless at the Faithfulness of my Lord.
Proverbs 3:5-7
and he will make your paths straight.
Trust in the Lord with ALL of your heart. This is something that I haven't been doing recently, and struggle with daily.
It's so easy for me to become the control-freak in my relationship with God and try to make everything go the way I want it, and my mentality becomes such that if it doesn't turn out that way, then I've failed. Do you ever feel that?
Last Sunday, Rod preached on this along with some other things that completely convicted me and made me take a step back and look at my life and the way I had been living.
Often times, I get so caught up in what MY plan for my life is, and if that doesn't work out, I have a plan B, C, D etc. to fall back on.
If only I had the constant realization that, like Rod said, if I stick to God's plan, I will always be on plan A.
After being in a very dark place the past few days, I finally fell to my knees crying out to God to come and pick me up again, because everything I was doing in my life, was selfish and worldly and was bringing me to experience this despair and turmoil which took months to overcome in the past.
He heard my cry.
Today, or should I say tonight, is the first night I felt that darkness lifted off of me, and I felt so light, like the chains of my own pride and selfishness had been broken. I was able to experience that Holy Spirit laughter that comes from deep down in your soul.
Not only that, but at Love Feast tonight, I was completely blown away by the presence of God in that large room, and after hearing story after story of how God was working in SO many people's lives, I could see some friends radiating God; friends who I had been praying for for a long time that they would experience God's love and faithfulness and His promise to be by our side and to heal the deepest, and most broken parts of ourselves.
It's unbelievable when you look back at the times in your life that you tried to make things go your way, and compare it to the time that you decided to let God take hold of your life. What an incredible difference, right? If we can see His goodness and feel His spirit within us, bringing us a happiness no one else would be able to, why is it so hard to just let Him do that all the time and make Him #1?
If I hadn't just let go and let God, who knows where I would be right now? I wouldn't be going to India, that's for sure. I would still be waking up everyday, living the mundane, repetitive life that I've become so discontent with.
The time for me to leave is coming up soon. It just feels like yesterday that I decided that this is what I needed to do with the next year of my life, when it was really almost 4 months ago.
It's really hard for me to leave so much here and then have no idea what coming back in year is going to be like for me. Although I tend to over-think things, and start to worry, God made it ever so clear to me tonight that this is exactly what He has planned for me for the time being.
I have dreams about India almost every night. I see myself running around and just falling head-over-heels in love with the kids over there.
Who ever thought that giving up everything you once deemed to be the most important in your life, would give you a feeling of fulfillment that no amount of money ever could?
I am so excited to live a simple life, with only the love of God and love of others around me being my comfort while I am so far away from everything close and familiar to me.
He has blessed me in more ways than I could ever imagine, and I am so undeserving, yet so grateful.
I will fall at Your feet
I will fall at Your feet
And I will worship You here
Blessings and Love to you all.
I am just overwhelmed with the joy and healing that God has performed in my life just tonight!
As I sit here in my chilled room with a blanket wrapped around me, Chris Tomlin's Hello Love CD playing softly in the background, I can't help but be almost speechless at the Faithfulness of my Lord.
Proverbs 3:5-7
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
and he will make your paths straight.
Trust in the Lord with ALL of your heart. This is something that I haven't been doing recently, and struggle with daily.
It's so easy for me to become the control-freak in my relationship with God and try to make everything go the way I want it, and my mentality becomes such that if it doesn't turn out that way, then I've failed. Do you ever feel that?
Last Sunday, Rod preached on this along with some other things that completely convicted me and made me take a step back and look at my life and the way I had been living.
Often times, I get so caught up in what MY plan for my life is, and if that doesn't work out, I have a plan B, C, D etc. to fall back on.
If only I had the constant realization that, like Rod said, if I stick to God's plan, I will always be on plan A.
After being in a very dark place the past few days, I finally fell to my knees crying out to God to come and pick me up again, because everything I was doing in my life, was selfish and worldly and was bringing me to experience this despair and turmoil which took months to overcome in the past.
He heard my cry.
Today, or should I say tonight, is the first night I felt that darkness lifted off of me, and I felt so light, like the chains of my own pride and selfishness had been broken. I was able to experience that Holy Spirit laughter that comes from deep down in your soul.
Not only that, but at Love Feast tonight, I was completely blown away by the presence of God in that large room, and after hearing story after story of how God was working in SO many people's lives, I could see some friends radiating God; friends who I had been praying for for a long time that they would experience God's love and faithfulness and His promise to be by our side and to heal the deepest, and most broken parts of ourselves.
It's unbelievable when you look back at the times in your life that you tried to make things go your way, and compare it to the time that you decided to let God take hold of your life. What an incredible difference, right? If we can see His goodness and feel His spirit within us, bringing us a happiness no one else would be able to, why is it so hard to just let Him do that all the time and make Him #1?
If I hadn't just let go and let God, who knows where I would be right now? I wouldn't be going to India, that's for sure. I would still be waking up everyday, living the mundane, repetitive life that I've become so discontent with.
The time for me to leave is coming up soon. It just feels like yesterday that I decided that this is what I needed to do with the next year of my life, when it was really almost 4 months ago.
It's really hard for me to leave so much here and then have no idea what coming back in year is going to be like for me. Although I tend to over-think things, and start to worry, God made it ever so clear to me tonight that this is exactly what He has planned for me for the time being.
I have dreams about India almost every night. I see myself running around and just falling head-over-heels in love with the kids over there.
Who ever thought that giving up everything you once deemed to be the most important in your life, would give you a feeling of fulfillment that no amount of money ever could?
I am so excited to live a simple life, with only the love of God and love of others around me being my comfort while I am so far away from everything close and familiar to me.
He has blessed me in more ways than I could ever imagine, and I am so undeserving, yet so grateful.
I will fall at Your feet
I will fall at Your feet
And I will worship You here
Blessings and Love to you all.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Apology
I've been sitting here for the last 2 hours trying to think about what to write in my paper for my Lib class tomorrow. I am clearly getting way too distracted, so I suppose all I can do is try to get out what I think is hindering me from accomplishing this.
I am stressed out. About everything.
I can feel myself falling backwards to a place that used to be so familiar to me; a place I promised myself I would never go back to. It was a time when I was so insecure with myself and lived a completely selfish life, and ultimately, ended up extremely unhappy and constantly anxious.
As most everyone knows, I'm planning on going to India for a year.
This is probably the biggest thing I've ever done in my life; meaning that more-so now than ever, I really need to trust in God that things are going to work out, and that He is going to be there to guide me through the entire journey.
But I'm not.
I've gotten so caught up in the planning aspect of it, that I haven't prayed about it at all, I haven't just let Him take hold of the reigns so this goes where He wants it to. I've become selfish in thinking that the only thing I need to go is money..when really, going to a completely different world will need SO much more than just that.
God will provide. That's what everyone tells me...and it's what I tell everyone else as well. But do I even believe what I'm saying? I think if I did, I wouldn't be experiencing the stress and anxiety that I am.
I've lost my focus so much from where I was a couple months ago. I'm letting every worldly thing distract me from where my main focus is supposed to be. I used to live, breathe, eat, sleep God.
Now I feel like I've just let go once again and have almost taken Him for granted.
Listening to Rod at church yesterday just hit me hard and deep. I am absolutely not the person I am at church when I'm at work..or when I'm with my friends. I'm almost a completely different person depending on the situations. I am extremely ashamed of this. Would strangers who just passed by, know that I'm a Christian based on how I act and treat others no matter where I am? I don't think so.
I know that this is something I need to lay down before God every single day before I do anything. Much easier said than done though, isn't it?
I just feel like this dark overwhelming shadow has come over me...and that joy that I felt is slowly fading away...and I'm not bouncing around feeling like a confident woman of God. I've lost the Holy Spirit laughter, that Emily F and I so often refer back to during our time of major transformation, the night in the prayer room while we were singing, dancing and praising God with everything in us.
I need to take a step back...
A step back from friends, from constantly being out doing things, from other people who are distracting me...and I need to breathe. And spend some time one-on-one with God. Jesus Dates as Brooke likes to call them.
Although I know I have fallen, I have seen and experienced God work so much in the most awesome ways that I know He is still waiting for me to run back to Him.
I guess this is just my declaration and my apology to those who have witnessed my fall, and even to those who haven't...I'm so sorry that the example I let off is most likely not one of someone who so desires to love the Lord with everything they have.
Whole-heartedly, I will seek Him.
1 I will exalt you, Lord, for you rescued me.
You refused to let my enemies triumph over me.
2 O Lord my God, I cried to you for help,
and you restored my health.
3 You brought me up from the grave,[a] O Lord.
You kept me from falling into the pit of death.
4 Sing to the Lord, all you godly ones!
Praise his holy name.
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime!
Weeping may last through the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
6 When I was prosperous, I said,
“Nothing can stop me now!”
7 Your favor, O Lord, made me as secure as a mountain.
Then you turned away from me, and I was shattered.
8 I cried out to you, O Lord.
I begged the Lord for mercy, saying,
9 “What will you gain if I die,
if I sink into the grave?
Can my dust praise you?
Can it tell of your faithfulness?
10 Hear me, Lord, and have mercy on me.
Help me, O Lord.”
11 You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy,
12 that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!
I am stressed out. About everything.
I can feel myself falling backwards to a place that used to be so familiar to me; a place I promised myself I would never go back to. It was a time when I was so insecure with myself and lived a completely selfish life, and ultimately, ended up extremely unhappy and constantly anxious.
As most everyone knows, I'm planning on going to India for a year.
This is probably the biggest thing I've ever done in my life; meaning that more-so now than ever, I really need to trust in God that things are going to work out, and that He is going to be there to guide me through the entire journey.
But I'm not.
I've gotten so caught up in the planning aspect of it, that I haven't prayed about it at all, I haven't just let Him take hold of the reigns so this goes where He wants it to. I've become selfish in thinking that the only thing I need to go is money..when really, going to a completely different world will need SO much more than just that.
God will provide. That's what everyone tells me...and it's what I tell everyone else as well. But do I even believe what I'm saying? I think if I did, I wouldn't be experiencing the stress and anxiety that I am.
I've lost my focus so much from where I was a couple months ago. I'm letting every worldly thing distract me from where my main focus is supposed to be. I used to live, breathe, eat, sleep God.
Now I feel like I've just let go once again and have almost taken Him for granted.
Listening to Rod at church yesterday just hit me hard and deep. I am absolutely not the person I am at church when I'm at work..or when I'm with my friends. I'm almost a completely different person depending on the situations. I am extremely ashamed of this. Would strangers who just passed by, know that I'm a Christian based on how I act and treat others no matter where I am? I don't think so.
I know that this is something I need to lay down before God every single day before I do anything. Much easier said than done though, isn't it?
I just feel like this dark overwhelming shadow has come over me...and that joy that I felt is slowly fading away...and I'm not bouncing around feeling like a confident woman of God. I've lost the Holy Spirit laughter, that Emily F and I so often refer back to during our time of major transformation, the night in the prayer room while we were singing, dancing and praising God with everything in us.
I need to take a step back...
A step back from friends, from constantly being out doing things, from other people who are distracting me...and I need to breathe. And spend some time one-on-one with God. Jesus Dates as Brooke likes to call them.
Although I know I have fallen, I have seen and experienced God work so much in the most awesome ways that I know He is still waiting for me to run back to Him.
I guess this is just my declaration and my apology to those who have witnessed my fall, and even to those who haven't...I'm so sorry that the example I let off is most likely not one of someone who so desires to love the Lord with everything they have.
Whole-heartedly, I will seek Him.
1 I will exalt you, Lord, for you rescued me.
You refused to let my enemies triumph over me.
2 O Lord my God, I cried to you for help,
and you restored my health.
3 You brought me up from the grave,[a] O Lord.
You kept me from falling into the pit of death.
4 Sing to the Lord, all you godly ones!
Praise his holy name.
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime!
Weeping may last through the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
6 When I was prosperous, I said,
“Nothing can stop me now!”
7 Your favor, O Lord, made me as secure as a mountain.
Then you turned away from me, and I was shattered.
8 I cried out to you, O Lord.
I begged the Lord for mercy, saying,
9 “What will you gain if I die,
if I sink into the grave?
Can my dust praise you?
Can it tell of your faithfulness?
10 Hear me, Lord, and have mercy on me.
Help me, O Lord.”
11 You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy,
12 that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!
Friday, December 19, 2008
India!!!!
I know most of you have either heard me talk about it, read my status on facebook, or maybe you heard Tony say something about it at Crossroads.
I have decided to go over to India for one year to work with the organization, Open Arms for Asia.I don't have a specific date yet, but I will be going as soon as I raise all of the money I need. I'm thinking probably April or May-unless I decided to go to school next semester, then it will probably be May or June.
I have started working on my support letter to send out to family/friends, and will be soon looking into getting a passport, and vaccinations that I'll be needing.
Thinking about leaving all of my friends and my family here, and going over there to this completely different world, is a terrifying thing. Knowing that when I come back, I won't know where I'll be living, where I'll have a job, or where everyone I leave will be in their lives, is quite unsettling.However, the only thing I'm 100% sure about is that God is calling me to do this. And as long as I follow that call, everything else will fall into place, and I will return with a new, clear, perspective on life, hopefully having a passion and hunger for God like I've heard the kids over there have; a much bigger longing for God than I have probably ever experienced.
I want to come back and have others just feel God pouring out of me. I ask that you pray for me over the next few months, along with others who are considering going over there for a more short-term mission trip; for peace, clarity, and that God will provide all that I/we need so that I/we may be fully ready to venture over into the next part of my/our life.
If you want to know more, feel free to ask! I've pretty much been sleeping, eating, and breathing India for the last couple of weeks and would love nothing more than to sit down and talk about it with you. Thanks and God Bless.xo
**THIS IS NO WHERE NEAR THE DETAILED DESCRIPTION OF HOW I GOT TO THIS POINT AND/OR HOW I THINK MY LIFE IS GOING TO BE CHANGED. JUST A QUICK ANNOUNCEMENT TO START GETTING THE PRAYERS FLOWING. :) THERE WILL BE MUCH MORE TO COME!**
I have decided to go over to India for one year to work with the organization, Open Arms for Asia.I don't have a specific date yet, but I will be going as soon as I raise all of the money I need. I'm thinking probably April or May-unless I decided to go to school next semester, then it will probably be May or June.
I have started working on my support letter to send out to family/friends, and will be soon looking into getting a passport, and vaccinations that I'll be needing.
Thinking about leaving all of my friends and my family here, and going over there to this completely different world, is a terrifying thing. Knowing that when I come back, I won't know where I'll be living, where I'll have a job, or where everyone I leave will be in their lives, is quite unsettling.However, the only thing I'm 100% sure about is that God is calling me to do this. And as long as I follow that call, everything else will fall into place, and I will return with a new, clear, perspective on life, hopefully having a passion and hunger for God like I've heard the kids over there have; a much bigger longing for God than I have probably ever experienced.
I want to come back and have others just feel God pouring out of me. I ask that you pray for me over the next few months, along with others who are considering going over there for a more short-term mission trip; for peace, clarity, and that God will provide all that I/we need so that I/we may be fully ready to venture over into the next part of my/our life.
If you want to know more, feel free to ask! I've pretty much been sleeping, eating, and breathing India for the last couple of weeks and would love nothing more than to sit down and talk about it with you. Thanks and God Bless.xo
**THIS IS NO WHERE NEAR THE DETAILED DESCRIPTION OF HOW I GOT TO THIS POINT AND/OR HOW I THINK MY LIFE IS GOING TO BE CHANGED. JUST A QUICK ANNOUNCEMENT TO START GETTING THE PRAYERS FLOWING. :) THERE WILL BE MUCH MORE TO COME!**
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Such is life.
God answered my call when i asked Him what I was supposed to be doing with my life...at least for now.
Although there's a long road of hard work ahead to get there, I can't wait to be giving up almost everything I have material-wise and going to a place where i have next to nothing, but yet will be gaining more than i could ever imagine by surrounding myself with the people and other disciples who love God and long for Him more than I can even fathom.
It's funny how once you decide to do what God wants instead of what you want, everything comes together..and you're presented with opportunities you would never usually think of on your own.
This is terrifying. I can't wait.
more details to come later.
Although there's a long road of hard work ahead to get there, I can't wait to be giving up almost everything I have material-wise and going to a place where i have next to nothing, but yet will be gaining more than i could ever imagine by surrounding myself with the people and other disciples who love God and long for Him more than I can even fathom.
It's funny how once you decide to do what God wants instead of what you want, everything comes together..and you're presented with opportunities you would never usually think of on your own.
This is terrifying. I can't wait.
more details to come later.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Things i've realized about myself and my life.
Last night, I was able to go to coffee with an amazing friend, and sister.
I realized a few things during that time and during the past couple of weeks:
1) I need time to myself. I need some nights where I don't hang out w/anyone, just to rest, read, go to bed early, and clear my head.
2) I care so much about what others think of me. I have problems saying "no" to people when they want me to do something because I feel like they won't like me as much or will get mad if i do. This being said, I need to fear God's perception of me. Not the peoples around me. If I give into sometihng because I feel guilty, I know I'm going to feel worse in the end, so that is something I need to work on (thanks Brooke, for pointing this out for me). If I spent as much time caring about what God was thinking about me, as I do caring about what others think about me, how would that alter my life?
3) I want to get back to the point where I want God, and ONLY God in my life, meaning I want to stop thinking that I need all these earthly and material possessions. I want to wake up, and go to bed thinking about God and how I honored him or could honor Him more, and all the time in between. I want to hunger for Him, and be desperate for Him to consume me.
4) I signed up for 12 hours in the prayer room this past 24/7 prayer week. I went to probably 2 of those hours and didn't get anything out of them because my heart wasn't in it. I just ended up talking to people or zoning our completely instead of getting on my face, asking God to fulfill me once again. I no longer will make excuses or find more "important" things to be doing.
5) I need, as Brooke calls them, "Jesus dates." At least once a week, I need to devote a certain amount of tmie to spending some extremely intimate, one-on-one time with Jesus. I want to be able to immerse myself in His word and spend time having deep conversations with Him.
6) Change can sometimes be good. I need to remember that and hold onto that when I'm afraid of something different happening than i'm used to.
7) Having a hard time deciphering if I should do what God is calling me to do, as opposed to losing some small, insignificant parts of my life, is a foolish thought, and I am ashamed that I would even consider choosing worldly things over God's plan for me.
8) I'm going to fast again starting next Sunday.
9) I want to play the piano more.
10) God has brought me to a spot where He is the center of my life. I used to think I only needed others who were "ahead" of me on their journey with God, making them the only ones I sought after, leaning on them completely and only using their guidance as the way for me to get through rough times. I didn't lose them. I still have them fully there as a support, as they are forever going to be my brothers and sisters. But now I am able to truly see where the healing begins through God (thank you, Brooke, for helping me see this).
11) I LOVE coffee and coffee "dates."
12) All of the good and bad that I've experienced have been the hugest blessings to me by bringing me to the point in life that I'm at now. Although this is a great thing, I do not want to, and will not live in the past.
13) I want to become an artist of some sort (random thought, I know...but it makes sense to me).
14) Family is an amazing thing. I need to embrace it with all I have. This is not just family that I'm born into, but the families I have become part of by gaining others, whom I love, in my life.
I'm sure there's more, but that's all I could come up with for now, while I'm waiting for 5pm to come around...
Feel free to leave some feedback.
xo
I realized a few things during that time and during the past couple of weeks:
1) I need time to myself. I need some nights where I don't hang out w/anyone, just to rest, read, go to bed early, and clear my head.
2) I care so much about what others think of me. I have problems saying "no" to people when they want me to do something because I feel like they won't like me as much or will get mad if i do. This being said, I need to fear God's perception of me. Not the peoples around me. If I give into sometihng because I feel guilty, I know I'm going to feel worse in the end, so that is something I need to work on (thanks Brooke, for pointing this out for me). If I spent as much time caring about what God was thinking about me, as I do caring about what others think about me, how would that alter my life?
3) I want to get back to the point where I want God, and ONLY God in my life, meaning I want to stop thinking that I need all these earthly and material possessions. I want to wake up, and go to bed thinking about God and how I honored him or could honor Him more, and all the time in between. I want to hunger for Him, and be desperate for Him to consume me.
4) I signed up for 12 hours in the prayer room this past 24/7 prayer week. I went to probably 2 of those hours and didn't get anything out of them because my heart wasn't in it. I just ended up talking to people or zoning our completely instead of getting on my face, asking God to fulfill me once again. I no longer will make excuses or find more "important" things to be doing.
5) I need, as Brooke calls them, "Jesus dates." At least once a week, I need to devote a certain amount of tmie to spending some extremely intimate, one-on-one time with Jesus. I want to be able to immerse myself in His word and spend time having deep conversations with Him.
6) Change can sometimes be good. I need to remember that and hold onto that when I'm afraid of something different happening than i'm used to.
7) Having a hard time deciphering if I should do what God is calling me to do, as opposed to losing some small, insignificant parts of my life, is a foolish thought, and I am ashamed that I would even consider choosing worldly things over God's plan for me.
8) I'm going to fast again starting next Sunday.
9) I want to play the piano more.
10) God has brought me to a spot where He is the center of my life. I used to think I only needed others who were "ahead" of me on their journey with God, making them the only ones I sought after, leaning on them completely and only using their guidance as the way for me to get through rough times. I didn't lose them. I still have them fully there as a support, as they are forever going to be my brothers and sisters. But now I am able to truly see where the healing begins through God (thank you, Brooke, for helping me see this).
11) I LOVE coffee and coffee "dates."
12) All of the good and bad that I've experienced have been the hugest blessings to me by bringing me to the point in life that I'm at now. Although this is a great thing, I do not want to, and will not live in the past.
13) I want to become an artist of some sort (random thought, I know...but it makes sense to me).
14) Family is an amazing thing. I need to embrace it with all I have. This is not just family that I'm born into, but the families I have become part of by gaining others, whom I love, in my life.
I'm sure there's more, but that's all I could come up with for now, while I'm waiting for 5pm to come around...
Feel free to leave some feedback.
xo
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Election Day
I've been sitting at my computer for the past hour, putting off going down to the polls to vote.
I know I probably should soon since if I wait much longer, I'll be in line for 2 hours or so.
But for some reason, as excited as I am for there to be a new President, I'm terrified.
Last election, I didn't get it. I wasn't nervous about who I would vote for, nor did I think that my vote really mattered.
Let me tell you, I have never been so stressed out when it came to a political election. This is huge, I know. I feel anxious and confused and nervous! I don't want to make the wrong decision.
What if I said that I thought both candidates weren't ready and that I didn't really want either of them to be President? Would that be wrong?
To be honest, I'm usually straight republican. If I hadn't paid attention at all, I would probably just go and vote for McCain without thinking. But because of the age I am, and with the way the U.S. has been the past few years, there needs to be a change. Apparently that's Obama's slogan. It's time for change. I agree. Our country needs help and healing.
I don't agree with Obama's stance on abortion. Not in any way. But on the other hand, I'm not sure that there would be much of a difference in our country if McCain won, and that would be awful.
Apparently both candidates are Christian. Obama was not born a Christian but found God in his 20's. McCain is a Christian too. Obama is great at speaking...so great that I'm afraid he knows how to say what we all want to hear, but would he follow thru with it? But what if I vote for McCain and not take the chance on Obama but nothing changes for us?
Can you see why I'm struggling? I'm not going to let one issue (like abortion) be the deciding factor for my decision, but it does stay in the back of my mind. A friend sent me a document with direct quotes on Obama's view of Faith and God and how that plays a role in how our country is going to be run. But if he thinks that's so important, why would he say it's ok to abort a baby up to 6 months after conception and then kill it if it survived the abortion? That's NOT what God intended for His children.
My head and my heart are heavy. Maybe my one vote won't matter, but this is a big thing for me.
It's 2:20pm right now, and I still don't know who I'm voting for.
I've talked to my mom a couple times and she just kept reminding me that no matter who I vote for, or who our new President will be, we will be answering to a Higher Power. No matter who wins this election, I think it is so important to pray for our future President, whether we voted for them or not.
God has the ultimate power, and is the ultimate decision maker, so why not trust that He knows what/who is right for our country.
I am convinced that if we can all pray for our country's leader(s), then God is going to lead them into doing what's right for us.
I won't be telling many people who I'm voting for, because it doesn't really matter.
Most people have voted by now, but I would just encourage you all to pray hard before voting, and trust in God's power over all of us, including the President.
I know I probably should soon since if I wait much longer, I'll be in line for 2 hours or so.
But for some reason, as excited as I am for there to be a new President, I'm terrified.
Last election, I didn't get it. I wasn't nervous about who I would vote for, nor did I think that my vote really mattered.
Let me tell you, I have never been so stressed out when it came to a political election. This is huge, I know. I feel anxious and confused and nervous! I don't want to make the wrong decision.
What if I said that I thought both candidates weren't ready and that I didn't really want either of them to be President? Would that be wrong?
To be honest, I'm usually straight republican. If I hadn't paid attention at all, I would probably just go and vote for McCain without thinking. But because of the age I am, and with the way the U.S. has been the past few years, there needs to be a change. Apparently that's Obama's slogan. It's time for change. I agree. Our country needs help and healing.
I don't agree with Obama's stance on abortion. Not in any way. But on the other hand, I'm not sure that there would be much of a difference in our country if McCain won, and that would be awful.
Apparently both candidates are Christian. Obama was not born a Christian but found God in his 20's. McCain is a Christian too. Obama is great at speaking...so great that I'm afraid he knows how to say what we all want to hear, but would he follow thru with it? But what if I vote for McCain and not take the chance on Obama but nothing changes for us?
Can you see why I'm struggling? I'm not going to let one issue (like abortion) be the deciding factor for my decision, but it does stay in the back of my mind. A friend sent me a document with direct quotes on Obama's view of Faith and God and how that plays a role in how our country is going to be run. But if he thinks that's so important, why would he say it's ok to abort a baby up to 6 months after conception and then kill it if it survived the abortion? That's NOT what God intended for His children.
My head and my heart are heavy. Maybe my one vote won't matter, but this is a big thing for me.
It's 2:20pm right now, and I still don't know who I'm voting for.
I've talked to my mom a couple times and she just kept reminding me that no matter who I vote for, or who our new President will be, we will be answering to a Higher Power. No matter who wins this election, I think it is so important to pray for our future President, whether we voted for them or not.
God has the ultimate power, and is the ultimate decision maker, so why not trust that He knows what/who is right for our country.
I am convinced that if we can all pray for our country's leader(s), then God is going to lead them into doing what's right for us.
I won't be telling many people who I'm voting for, because it doesn't really matter.
Most people have voted by now, but I would just encourage you all to pray hard before voting, and trust in God's power over all of us, including the President.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Hmm...where do I start?
I'm not sure if there are even any words to describe what my life has been like the past couple of weeks.
Joyful, upsetting, anxious, content, busy...ahhh.
I'm stressed about this election. I don't think either candidates are ready. But I agree and disagree with issues from both sides...so i'm kinda stuck. And I was thinking I was voting next week..not TOMORROW.
I have to go find some answers. I'll be back to write more later.
I'm not sure if there are even any words to describe what my life has been like the past couple of weeks.
Joyful, upsetting, anxious, content, busy...ahhh.
I'm stressed about this election. I don't think either candidates are ready. But I agree and disagree with issues from both sides...so i'm kinda stuck. And I was thinking I was voting next week..not TOMORROW.
I have to go find some answers. I'll be back to write more later.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Praise Him
I wasn't able to go to IHOP this weekend with Dana and Tammy.
It's ok though. I just figured it was God's way of saying there was something else I should do this weekend. Maybe nothing profound, but I'm sure I'll find enjoyment out of whatever I do.
I don't have anything spectacular to say today.
I'm exhausted and am getting over being sick, but still am in love with the days that are set out in front of me.
Leaves are EVERYWHERE. I just want to jump in them.
Tomorrow I think a nice breakfast somewhere and maybe the Fulton St. Farmer's Market and some housecleaning sounds good.
I've gotten to a new point in my life; a point I never thought I would be able to get to again. But I have.
I can't go into specifics. I've talked to a couple people about it, but I'm just still so amazed at the power of God working in me to make me whole again.
Praise Him.
Love to you all.
It's ok though. I just figured it was God's way of saying there was something else I should do this weekend. Maybe nothing profound, but I'm sure I'll find enjoyment out of whatever I do.
I don't have anything spectacular to say today.
I'm exhausted and am getting over being sick, but still am in love with the days that are set out in front of me.
Leaves are EVERYWHERE. I just want to jump in them.
Tomorrow I think a nice breakfast somewhere and maybe the Fulton St. Farmer's Market and some housecleaning sounds good.
I've gotten to a new point in my life; a point I never thought I would be able to get to again. But I have.
I can't go into specifics. I've talked to a couple people about it, but I'm just still so amazed at the power of God working in me to make me whole again.
Praise Him.
Love to you all.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
nightmares
Do you ever have one of those dreams where it's so screwed up and you wake up sweating and in a panic and think that something awful is going to happen to you and everyone you know?
I just had one of those, and I can't shake it off.
I just had one of those, and I can't shake it off.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Happy!!!!!!!
I am so happy.
So happy that God has come into my chaotic life and broke the chains.
So happy that I have real friendships/relationships with people...relationships that will last.
So happy that God has provided for me in more ways that I could ever imagine.
So happy that I have a God who is so faithful and will love me always until the end of my days.
So happy that I don't feel tied down to anything so that I may be free to live the life God has given me.
So happy for the new people I have met over the past couple of weeks.
So happy I have new opportunities coming my way; opportunities I could never even imagine having before.
This next weekend (thurs-sun) i'm going to IHOP in Kansas City with Dana and Tammy and possibly a couple others...this is something that I never thought would be a possibility for me or never even had the desire to go to before...but I can't wait.
I think once again God is going to reveal Himself full-force and once again my heart will be changed a little bit more.
Please pray for us.
Yay God.
I'm SO happy.
So happy that God has come into my chaotic life and broke the chains.
So happy that I have real friendships/relationships with people...relationships that will last.
So happy that God has provided for me in more ways that I could ever imagine.
So happy that I have a God who is so faithful and will love me always until the end of my days.
So happy that I don't feel tied down to anything so that I may be free to live the life God has given me.
So happy for the new people I have met over the past couple of weeks.
So happy I have new opportunities coming my way; opportunities I could never even imagine having before.
This next weekend (thurs-sun) i'm going to IHOP in Kansas City with Dana and Tammy and possibly a couple others...this is something that I never thought would be a possibility for me or never even had the desire to go to before...but I can't wait.
I think once again God is going to reveal Himself full-force and once again my heart will be changed a little bit more.
Please pray for us.
Yay God.
I'm SO happy.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
wow...
once again God proved Himself so very faithful.
After a few days of quietly struggling financially and wondering how I would pay some bills that are coming up, I finally gave up trying to find ideas and just gave it to God and prayed that He would somehow provide for me.
And He did.
David, my housemate, had gotten a couple pieces of mail for me so he gave them to me and one of the envelopes had my name and address typed out and there was no return address.
I opened it and wrapped up in a piece of paper was some money with a little paper that had "God Bless You" with a little heart typed on it.
No signature, no nothing. I have no idea who it was from or how they got my address or knew that I was in need.
So if it was you, and you're reading this, Thank You. From the bottom of my Heart.
God is so good!!!!
After a few days of quietly struggling financially and wondering how I would pay some bills that are coming up, I finally gave up trying to find ideas and just gave it to God and prayed that He would somehow provide for me.
And He did.
David, my housemate, had gotten a couple pieces of mail for me so he gave them to me and one of the envelopes had my name and address typed out and there was no return address.
I opened it and wrapped up in a piece of paper was some money with a little paper that had "God Bless You" with a little heart typed on it.
No signature, no nothing. I have no idea who it was from or how they got my address or knew that I was in need.
So if it was you, and you're reading this, Thank You. From the bottom of my Heart.
God is so good!!!!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
YES!!!
Isn't life just awesome?
Yeah...I'm pretty sure it is.
I am so blessed.
I just feel like dancing.
Monday, October 6, 2008
A quick thought...
Alex, Megan, Laura, Me, Meagan. Picture taken by Mentor, Sister, and Friend,
Sarah Jayne
This is a picture of my amazing small group that I was in on our college-aged retreat that we just had this past Friday-Saturday through Crossroads Bible Church. Another 24 hours with God where no words would do the outcome of this retreat justice.
I don't have time to go into detail right now about it...
I will quickly say though, that I've definitely realized the importance of having some REALLY good, close, deep friendships with other girls my age. I never thought that was important until now.
It is very clear God's hand was involved in putting us together; our similarities to each other based on our lives could not be described as a "coincidence" but "God."
The rest of this adventure with God will be saved for a later posting sometime this week probably.
I will quickly say though, that I've definitely realized the importance of having some REALLY good, close, deep friendships with other girls my age. I never thought that was important until now.
It is very clear God's hand was involved in putting us together; our similarities to each other based on our lives could not be described as a "coincidence" but "God."
The rest of this adventure with God will be saved for a later posting sometime this week probably.
xo
Veggies, Rice, Chicken and Family
As I sit here at my computer at 10:46pm on Monday night, I can't help but wonder if all of this miraculous growth that I've experienced over the last week will last.
I know it's a day-by-day thing. I have to lay it down before my Father every single day. There will never come a time that I can give something up one time and one time only, and have that be that and my life will be perfect. NO way.
I struggle because I've lived a life of questioning and not trusting, and paranoia for so long, this seems almost too good to be true and I still have such a hard time trusting....anything or anyone...that I feel like there must be a catch.
Is God really that good? So good that He would take away my emptiness and fill me up completely without having strings attached? I'm not questioning His faithfulness in any way.
I am still just completely astounded at His goodness and I can't help but think about how much I don't deserve any of it. Surely there are better people out there than me; people who have been better Christians; people who have loved more fully than I ever have and probably ever will be able to.
I almost feel bad for feeling so happy and at peace.
Last night, after fasting for exactly 168 hours, I ate my first meal in 7 days. I was given the honor of eating it with some of the interns at the BR. Brooke made an exquisit mix of rice, sauteed vegetables and this AMAZING chicken that I could probably eat everyday for the rest of my life (i forgot what it was called but something with coconut, lemon flavor, and some other goodness in it).
Afterwards, I wanted to try to help in some way to repay all these amazing people at the BR for traveling along with me through this journey so I decided to clean. They were so appreciative of it, but all they wanted was for me to just come and sit and just be with them.
Is this the way life is really supposed to be? Is this the way people who live their life for Christ really are? People just loving each other and not doing things because they expect something out of it, but because they really want to?
I felt 100% loved...do you know how good that feels?
Along with getting to spend time with my 2nd "family" (so i call them), I also found out some awesome information that gave me even more possible opportunities for my future; opportunities where I can fully praise God with every breath I take for the rest of my life.
At this point, there's nothing I would rather do than to get down on my face and pray to Him and worship Him every second I have.
I was so afraid that with 24/7 being done, I would fall back into my old emotions and lose sight of the awesomeness of God's grace and power...but so far I havent, and don't really think I will.
Just like Cassandra wrote to me during prayer last night, I feel like God really has put a new song in me. And if I could, I would sing it at the top of my lungs for as long as I could.
I can feel it so strongly and looking in the mirror everday, I can even see it. I no longer look dead or stare into empty eyes and hate what I see. I can see this person who is so filled with the Holy Spirit, it almost pours out of her because of the Glow.
This would not describe me 8 days ago...or any days previous to that. I am so RENEWED.
So back to my first question:
Is God really that good? Yup.
I know it's a day-by-day thing. I have to lay it down before my Father every single day. There will never come a time that I can give something up one time and one time only, and have that be that and my life will be perfect. NO way.
I struggle because I've lived a life of questioning and not trusting, and paranoia for so long, this seems almost too good to be true and I still have such a hard time trusting....anything or anyone...that I feel like there must be a catch.
Is God really that good? So good that He would take away my emptiness and fill me up completely without having strings attached? I'm not questioning His faithfulness in any way.
I am still just completely astounded at His goodness and I can't help but think about how much I don't deserve any of it. Surely there are better people out there than me; people who have been better Christians; people who have loved more fully than I ever have and probably ever will be able to.
I almost feel bad for feeling so happy and at peace.
Last night, after fasting for exactly 168 hours, I ate my first meal in 7 days. I was given the honor of eating it with some of the interns at the BR. Brooke made an exquisit mix of rice, sauteed vegetables and this AMAZING chicken that I could probably eat everyday for the rest of my life (i forgot what it was called but something with coconut, lemon flavor, and some other goodness in it).
Afterwards, I wanted to try to help in some way to repay all these amazing people at the BR for traveling along with me through this journey so I decided to clean. They were so appreciative of it, but all they wanted was for me to just come and sit and just be with them.
Is this the way life is really supposed to be? Is this the way people who live their life for Christ really are? People just loving each other and not doing things because they expect something out of it, but because they really want to?
I felt 100% loved...do you know how good that feels?
Along with getting to spend time with my 2nd "family" (so i call them), I also found out some awesome information that gave me even more possible opportunities for my future; opportunities where I can fully praise God with every breath I take for the rest of my life.
At this point, there's nothing I would rather do than to get down on my face and pray to Him and worship Him every second I have.
I was so afraid that with 24/7 being done, I would fall back into my old emotions and lose sight of the awesomeness of God's grace and power...but so far I havent, and don't really think I will.
Just like Cassandra wrote to me during prayer last night, I feel like God really has put a new song in me. And if I could, I would sing it at the top of my lungs for as long as I could.
I can feel it so strongly and looking in the mirror everday, I can even see it. I no longer look dead or stare into empty eyes and hate what I see. I can see this person who is so filled with the Holy Spirit, it almost pours out of her because of the Glow.
This would not describe me 8 days ago...or any days previous to that. I am so RENEWED.
So back to my first question:
Is God really that good? Yup.
Friday, October 3, 2008
It couldn't get any better than this...
Earlier this week I was talking to a few friends about how I am sick of doing things that I don't love and can't look forward to.
I didn't want to waste my life away and this included my current job situation.
I have been working at Malarky's on the east beltline as a server and have made NO money and have just been struggling so much.
Yesterday i asked my dear friend, Emma if her daycare was still hiring. They had called me a couple months ago for an interview but because of my schedule I couldn't go.
So yesterday afternoon I got a call from one of the head leaders of the daycare asking me to come in for an interview this morning at 10am.
I was able to have a couple hours of prayer last night and one of the things that I prayed for was for God to let me know where He wanted me to be. If this was the job I was supposed to have, then I would get it, if not, I wouldn't and I would keep waiting on Him to show me the path to go on.
I went to the first part of the interview this morning where I was asked about 20 questions (let me just tell you that I HATE interviews...i get SO nervous).
What was different about today though was that instead of trying to answer what I thought they would want to hear, I just was completely honest with them about everything and answered whole-heartedly.
After that, they asked me if I could stay a little bit because their second interview was to spend time in a couple of the classrooms and see how I interact with the children and other teachers/assistants.
I was in 2 classes with kids from ages 8 months-2 years and LOVED it.
When it was time for me to leave, they told me that Emma had spoken so highly of me before they were disappointed that I couldn't come in for the interview a couple months ago but they really liked me so they offered me the position and I start next week.
PRAISE GOD.
Last night I was saying how this week has been so amazing, that if I got this job, I don't think anything better could happen to me.
I am so thankful and blessed beyond belief.
I deserve none of this goodness coming to me.
I just wanted to share.
I am so filled with joy, all I want to do is jump around and dance and laugh the Holy Spirit laughter.
Tonight is the college retreat, and I think even MORE amazing things are going to happen.
God never ceases to amaze me.
xo
**THANK YOU EMMA FOR HELPING ME GET THIS AMAZING JOB!!!!!!**
I didn't want to waste my life away and this included my current job situation.
I have been working at Malarky's on the east beltline as a server and have made NO money and have just been struggling so much.
Yesterday i asked my dear friend, Emma if her daycare was still hiring. They had called me a couple months ago for an interview but because of my schedule I couldn't go.
So yesterday afternoon I got a call from one of the head leaders of the daycare asking me to come in for an interview this morning at 10am.
I was able to have a couple hours of prayer last night and one of the things that I prayed for was for God to let me know where He wanted me to be. If this was the job I was supposed to have, then I would get it, if not, I wouldn't and I would keep waiting on Him to show me the path to go on.
I went to the first part of the interview this morning where I was asked about 20 questions (let me just tell you that I HATE interviews...i get SO nervous).
What was different about today though was that instead of trying to answer what I thought they would want to hear, I just was completely honest with them about everything and answered whole-heartedly.
After that, they asked me if I could stay a little bit because their second interview was to spend time in a couple of the classrooms and see how I interact with the children and other teachers/assistants.
I was in 2 classes with kids from ages 8 months-2 years and LOVED it.
When it was time for me to leave, they told me that Emma had spoken so highly of me before they were disappointed that I couldn't come in for the interview a couple months ago but they really liked me so they offered me the position and I start next week.
PRAISE GOD.
Last night I was saying how this week has been so amazing, that if I got this job, I don't think anything better could happen to me.
I am so thankful and blessed beyond belief.
I deserve none of this goodness coming to me.
I just wanted to share.
I am so filled with joy, all I want to do is jump around and dance and laugh the Holy Spirit laughter.
Tonight is the college retreat, and I think even MORE amazing things are going to happen.
God never ceases to amaze me.
xo
**THANK YOU EMMA FOR HELPING ME GET THIS AMAZING JOB!!!!!!**
Thursday, October 2, 2008
My Testimony
Tony asked me to write a little bit of my testimony from this past week of 24/7 prayer...so I did, and I thought I would put it up on my blog as well since I am just SO EXCITED and filled with so much JOY. Some of it is a repeat from my post below but that's just because I copied and pasted.
Reading over what I had written, I realized that this was not me writing my testimony, but God, Himself, revealing His Awesomeness, Faithfulness, and Love through these words.
I am COMPLETELY transformed:
Reading over what I had written, I realized that this was not me writing my testimony, but God, Himself, revealing His Awesomeness, Faithfulness, and Love through these words.
I am COMPLETELY transformed:
Coming into this week of 24/7 prayer, I was so lost. My emotions were running wild, my commitment to Christ was wavering back and forth, and I was completely on the verge of giving up on thinking that God had something amazing planned for my life.
I had no idea that He had something planned for this week of prayer and I had no way to prepare for it.
It started off this past Sunday at Crossroads; Rod’s first Sunday back after being in
Over the past few months, I had been dealing with so much loss and was so emotionally distraught, and had some hostile feelings toward certain people; people I didn’t even know. I had been so unhappy and discontent and felt dead and empty almost every single day that I woke up, it was getting unbearable.
That Sunday night,
I went into community prayer that night feeling so unsettled and discontent. I had had enough, so I just cried out to God to make me clean and give me a taste of the living water because I was so sick of this horrible way of life that just got in between my relationship with Him. I wanted to make things right with certain people so at that moment I decided that I was going to go way out of my comfort zone and let God take over my life and heal what had been broken.
Not one minute later, God performed a miracle that only He could do. Someone I barely knew asked me to pray with them, and in that time, so much healing took place and I felt a huge weight lifted off of me, that I had been carrying around for months. It was amazing to be reminded that the discontentment and jealousy and negativity that I was feeling was all part of what Satan wanted for my life. He wants to destroy the love and relationship that is supposed to be between God’s children. God did not intend on any of His children treating each other with anything except love. This was so eye-opening for me.
After that happened, I was on this high and feeling a sort of joy that I’ve never experienced in my whole life. It was so encouraging and I knew I had prayer that night scheduled for 2 hours from
A year ago when I signed up for prayer, I had no idea how I was going to make it one hour of that week just praying. That night was the fastest 3.5 hours I’ve ever had. I just laid there and cried to God, sang to Him, read His word out loud, and just praised Him over and over again for the loving kindness and mercy that He has given me, which I clearly have never and will never deserve.
Since that night, I have had extremely low moments, but overall, am walking around feeling the chains that have been holding onto me for so long, broken by God’s faithfulness. This week I have decided to give everything up and let God take hold of my life and do with it what He wants. Along with letting go of things that seemed so important to me, mainly people, I also have been fasting since this past Sunday. Between that and living in prayer almost every chance I’ve been given, I have never felt so full when it came to my life. I’ve already begun to feel God calling me to different places, and have been able to let go of so much of the pain that I had been holding onto for way too long.
I’ve never felt God’s presence in my life so much. Between my prayer slots and community prayer, I’ve been in that room praying to Him for about 10 hours, and having that intimate time with Him, just talking and being honest and honestly searching for Him and longing for Him in my life, has made me really feel what being a transformed follower of Jesus Christ is like.
Satan is always going to try to tear me down or get in my way or get me to question the Lord’s faithfulness. This will be a constant battle. But after this week of prayer, I am confident that I will forever be a whole-hearted, follower of Christ.
If someone asked me a few months ago where I would be today, I definitely would not have answered them with how I’m currently living my life. There is no way I could have fathomed feeling as loved and fulfilled as I am now. I feel almost lighter and can’t stop smiling. I didn’t even know how to pray before a couple months ago and didn’t have much faith in the power of it, but being given the chance to fill my life with prayer, is really how everything changed for me.
If what I’m feeling now is even a little droplet of what eternity with my Father is going to be like, I can’t wait for that day to come.
Psalm 30 is the exact description of my journey up to this point of my life.
Be Blessed, friends.
xo
Monday, September 29, 2008
Sweetly Broken
Just as I told Brooke last night, there are no words that are able to accurately describe the feelings that I have right now.
I am in awe and am so amazed. There will never be a single word or even numerous words to describe God's greatness.
Yesterday something in me changed. Hearing Rod talk about Living Water and Stale Water just hit me so hard. I felt so much like God was speaking directly to me saying, "Jenna!! Wake up! You are drinking from the wrong kind of water." And I was. What an upsetting yet humbling thing for me to see where I was lacking in my life of following Christ. I am so ashamed for fitting every single one of the characteristics of what life was like drinking stale water.
I had been holding these negative feelings; feelings of anger and jealousy and envy and just plain hostility towards someone I didn't even know and letting all of these emotions distract me and get in my way of what I was supposed to be focusing on.
It had been going on for months, and I could not wake up one more day feeling like I had been for so long. It was eating away at me and taking me over. I had prayed so hard for something to happen to make these feelings go away but nothing was.
At last I realized that I needed to be willing to give everything up to the Lord so that He would be able to do with me what He wanted. So that's what I did, and that's what He did. All in one incredible hour.
I won't go into detail, but what happened last night was not something that any earthly person can do. It is purely God working his miracles. He heard my desperate cry. As Sarah Jayne said to me, I had a huge mountain in the way of me and God. He heard my cry and smashed it down so I was finally able to see once again, His beauty and majesty.
Satan tries SO HARD to get in the way of friendships and relationships by putting chains of negative feelings and emotions on us, and often times, those take over and we really do lose sight of how we should be living and treating others.
The battle is not over, but I am so glad that God showed his power and authority last night. I feel so changed, and renewed. I am dedicating my life to following Him and loving others the way He meant for us to. Satan will not win this.
I know that there is an amazing plan out there for me. One that I can not fathom, and way better than anything I could come up with on my own.
If you asked me 6 months ago where I thought I would be right now as far as my Faith and everything in my life, it definitely would not be where I am presently.
Thank GOD for that. I am SOO blessed and He has just filled me up with this amazing understanding and love that I've never experienced before.
Something awesome is happening and is going to keep happening. I can feel it.
I Can't Wait.
To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing
For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified
You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled
In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness
I am in awe and am so amazed. There will never be a single word or even numerous words to describe God's greatness.
Yesterday something in me changed. Hearing Rod talk about Living Water and Stale Water just hit me so hard. I felt so much like God was speaking directly to me saying, "Jenna!! Wake up! You are drinking from the wrong kind of water." And I was. What an upsetting yet humbling thing for me to see where I was lacking in my life of following Christ. I am so ashamed for fitting every single one of the characteristics of what life was like drinking stale water.
I had been holding these negative feelings; feelings of anger and jealousy and envy and just plain hostility towards someone I didn't even know and letting all of these emotions distract me and get in my way of what I was supposed to be focusing on.
It had been going on for months, and I could not wake up one more day feeling like I had been for so long. It was eating away at me and taking me over. I had prayed so hard for something to happen to make these feelings go away but nothing was.
At last I realized that I needed to be willing to give everything up to the Lord so that He would be able to do with me what He wanted. So that's what I did, and that's what He did. All in one incredible hour.
I won't go into detail, but what happened last night was not something that any earthly person can do. It is purely God working his miracles. He heard my desperate cry. As Sarah Jayne said to me, I had a huge mountain in the way of me and God. He heard my cry and smashed it down so I was finally able to see once again, His beauty and majesty.
Satan tries SO HARD to get in the way of friendships and relationships by putting chains of negative feelings and emotions on us, and often times, those take over and we really do lose sight of how we should be living and treating others.
The battle is not over, but I am so glad that God showed his power and authority last night. I feel so changed, and renewed. I am dedicating my life to following Him and loving others the way He meant for us to. Satan will not win this.
I know that there is an amazing plan out there for me. One that I can not fathom, and way better than anything I could come up with on my own.
If you asked me 6 months ago where I thought I would be right now as far as my Faith and everything in my life, it definitely would not be where I am presently.
Thank GOD for that. I am SOO blessed and He has just filled me up with this amazing understanding and love that I've never experienced before.
Something awesome is happening and is going to keep happening. I can feel it.
I Can't Wait.
To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing
For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified
You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled
In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness
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